well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
