Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
