what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
