I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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