Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
