I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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