haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
