Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
