Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
