Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
