I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Terrible idea I love it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
