see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
