it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
