Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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