found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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