Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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