She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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