Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
