Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
