The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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