Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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