Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize