I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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