So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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