I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This toilet bowl is my home.
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