I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
