dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
