I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
