one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
