She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize