Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So much rum. So many feels.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
