Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
