It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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