Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
