the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
