sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
