she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
