I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish you could order shots online.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize
