theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
