I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize