She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
