Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
