I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
