dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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