happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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