cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
