there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
