I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wanna go halves on a baby?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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