i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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