You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
