We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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