1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
