I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
