I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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