p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
