I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
