Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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