I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
