Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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