Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
