Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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