1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
