He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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