she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
