y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He passed out mid-signature
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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