If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
