When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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