3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
