it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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