and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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