His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
