So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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