I'm gonna have a badass scar
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
