My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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