She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My liver just had a heart attack.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
