hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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