He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
