maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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