Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
