In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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