I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
